i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
