Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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