I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
