I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
