Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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