I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
