also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
