I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
