You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
did i walk over a car last night?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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