You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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