I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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