I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
