I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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