i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
