Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
