it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
