just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize