I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I understand Curling. That high.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
