just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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