No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm too high and old for this...
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