I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
