Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
