Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she was so not down for the gang bang
i just wanna soil my oats bro
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
