Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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