i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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