That reminds me...we need to get swords
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
