I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
