So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
