How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
