I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
