I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
