I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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