I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize