you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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