still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
