Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
