OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
