some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
