My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
