Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize