I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
