If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
