Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize