I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize