he thought i was a dude.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
