i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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