I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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