Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
