All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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