Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
