Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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