I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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