Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
