Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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