I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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