Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
