THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
