I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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