he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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