who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
