i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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