dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
