I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
