he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
