quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
