What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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