can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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