I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
