I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize