guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
