Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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