is your mom at the bar?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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