420 ftw
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
