if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
