Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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